How many of you have heard, “It’s been long enough. You should be over this by now!” Easier said than done! It’s easy for the person saying that and impossible for the person living it. First and foremost, we don’t dictate the time it takes to grieve and mourn our losses, we only get to do the work.
You’ve heard the saying – “You can do this the easy way or you can do it the hard way!” But what if the task at hand, such as grief, is already hard? There is no easy way to grieve. It is a long and difficult journey. However, in my opinion, we make the journey longer and more difficult by not engaging in the process.
Naturally, we want to avoid or move away from painful situations. Unfortunately, we live in a society that supports moving away from the pain. Everything is a quick fix…fast e-mail, fast food, instant messaging and on and on… so it’s easy to expect people to “heal fast” and “get back to normal” so that they are fun to be around again. People are expected to ‘get over what has happened’ and to do it in a timely fashion. For those of us who have embarked on the journey of loss, we can tell you it is not that easy.
It is said that “time heals all.” That is not true, especially for the bereaved. We don’t get over our grief and we don’t “fix” a broken heart. We heal a broken heart by taking all the time we need to feel, remember and acknowledge the reality of our loss. We integrate the loss into our life and then we move forward. By working through the process and taking the time we need, we eventually renew our capacity to love, laugh, and plan for the future. There is no way to the other side of grief except to go through it. Take time to heal – for however long that takes! You are worth it!
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