Stop Telling Me to Get Over It!

Nov 18 2013 Stop telling Me to Get Over it

Have you been told by others that you should “be over your grief by now”? It happens all too often and is clear proof that the person telling you to get over it has never walked the path of grief. Their statement is truly about them and has nothing to do with you. Simply nod and thank them for their input. Then excuse yourself so you can go find someone else who understands the true journey.

You have likely also heard the saying – “You can do this the easy way or you can do it the hard way!”  But what if the task at hand, such as grief, is already hard? There is no easy way to grieve. It is a long and difficult journey.  However, in my opinion, we make the journey longer and more difficult by not engaging in the process.

Naturally, we want to avoid or move away from painful situations.  Unfortunately, we live in a society that supports moving away from the pain. Everything is a quick fix…fast e-mail, fast food, text messaging and on and on… so it’s easy to expect people to “heal fast” and “get back to normal” so that they are fun to be around again.  People are expected to ‘get over what has happened’ and to do it in a timely fashion. For those of us who have embarked on the journey of loss, we can tell you it is not that easy.

It is said that “time heals all.” That is not true, especially for the bereaved.  We don’t get over our grief and we don’t “fix” a broken heart. We heal a broken heart by taking all the time we need to feel, remember and acknowledge the reality of our loss. We integrate the loss into our life and then we move forward. By working through the process and taking the time we need, we eventually renew our capacity to love, laugh, and plan for the future. There is no way to the other side of grief except to go through it.  Take time to heal – for however long that takes! You are worth it!

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